My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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