My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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