??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
