Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
