i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
