Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
