I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
