just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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