If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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