Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
