I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
