Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Houston, we have a squirter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is Oprah even human
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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