I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
