Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
