Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
