you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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