Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
