to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
