guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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