lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
