Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Michael Bay diarrhea
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
