Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
