I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pants are for mortals
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
