..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
