I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
