we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
