Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
