At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
