I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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