I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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