Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
