At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
