Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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