Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
