and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
