Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
