Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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