Tell her she can't have a vagina
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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