I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
