I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
