wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
