i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
