You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
