the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
