The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
