haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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