Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
