I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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