dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
