Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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