the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
