One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
