dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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